Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The one and only news story.
http://www.kfvs12.com/story/15475805/man-accused-of-molesting-12-year-old-child
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
My story..For the most part!
Let me begin by saying this is my first public admission to my childhood abuse. I've weighed the pros and cons of telling my story and I feel in order for me to heal, I have to get past the opinions of those that don't deal with day-to-day trials like I do. I understand there will be those that think I shouldn't make my abuse public, but those are the ones that silence victims, like myself, from getting help before it takes years and years of therapy to get past. If you know me and this in any way embarrasses or offends you, I pray you never have to deal with a situation such as this with one of your own children.
I was the first born to young parents, my Mom 22 and Dad 20. I was the precious graddaughter anybody would love to have! :) Looking back at pictures, I was pretty perfect to everybody in the family! hehe
I attended a daycare, shortly after birth, in Sikeston, MO called Calvary Temple. I feel like I remember the day I met what would be one of the greatest women in the world. (I'm changing names in this story until all legal matters are adjourned). We will call this fabulous woman Mrs. Tammy. I know it's hard for people to remember things from when they were younger but I swear I can still see her in those daycare rooms. Anyway, not sure how this came about but Ms. Tammy decided to keep me in her home instead of continuing to go to Calvary Temple. (I can't ask why I was transferred and you'll understand why later in the story). Ms. Tammy had a husband and two daughters in the home. She had a close relationship with her own mother, we'll call her MawMaw, as well as her brothers and sisters that came over often. I was one of the family!
More children were added to the in-home daycare where I had such a loving environment. I was so advanced because of Ms. Tammy's daycare. I could read before Kindergarten, write and had the vocabulary of a 5th grader! She always had fun things for us to do-- we went to swimming lessons in a huge in-ground pool with an awesome water slide, weekly trips to the movies and she had a swimming pool in the back yard of her own yard we would play in for hours. She was more than just a babysitter.. she really was my best friend.
Right before it was time to start Kindergarten my mom gave birth to my baby sister. Smaller children were sent to Ms. Tammy's friend's daycare across town. I guess Ms. Tammy liked to watch children that were mobile. When I started school I only went half a day so my mom would drop me off for a fun afternoon with Ms. Tammy every day! I loved it!
Gonna have to fast forward the story a bit because there are time frames I don't remember.
I'm not sure how old I was when I stopped going to Ms. Tammy's house but I kept in contact with her all the time. I'd call a minimum of once a month and I'd stop by occasionally to see how she was doing. I never blamed her for what had secretly happened to me at her house because she didn't know and it would kill her to know her husband wasn't the man she thought he was. I assumed I was the only one and it was just his way of showing me he loved me.
Until 4th grade I went to a private school. When my parents divorced, my mom went to prison. (That's another story in itself!) I lived with my father who remarried and my 2 beautiful baby brothers came about.
When I turned 16, I decided to tell my mom and grandma about the abuse that occurred when I was a child. It was overlooked and details were never asked. I tried to bring it up to my dad who also overlooked it as if I was imagining something or trying to get attention. Why bring it up again if the ones that are supposed to protect you don't believe you?
So now I'm 25, think about the abuse all of the time and have even tried to bring it up to my mom's mom again. This man just happens to be my grandma's mail man! She would talk to him when he'd deliver her mail and I remember telling her several times not to talk to him.. again, SHUT DOWN. Nobody wanted to hear it. I sat at her living room table and vividly remember asking her WHY she would talk to him after what he had done. She sighed and acted like I was making something up.
Here comes the fun part-- Mid-September 2011, a little after 10pm, I was on my way home from WalMart with my husband and my grandma calls. She tells me I'm never going to believe what she just saw. Ms. Tammy's husband was just arrested on child molestation charges of a small girl. I could hear the pain in her voice. I didn't know exactly how to feel or how to tell my husband what she just said. We pulled in the driveway, I got off the phone, let my husband out and drove directly to Ms. Tammy's house. I wanted to tell her of my abuse. I thought she would want to hear it from myself instead of a police officer. I drove all the way across town and to my surprise, not home. I decided to go home and sleep on it because the next day I HAD to report my story to the police.
I had an appointment for 10:30 to speak with a detective the next day. I kept going over in my mind how I was going to tell Ms. Tammy. I ended up being late for my appointment because I had driven around town trying to decide how to tell her. I skipped out on going to her house and made it to the police department. Walking from across the street to those front doors was the longest walk of my life. I entered and was greeted by two officers that made me sit in a tiny room and wait on the detective. I later found out I had to sit there so they could escort other victims out a side door for confidentiality. Sad, huh?
I was taken upstairs to a room that was covered from ceiling to floor of other victims in town. All of them were mostly small children but some adults were visual. I sat down with the detective and another officer and was asked if my statement could be recorded. My heart sunk and my hands shook but I knew this was the right thing to do. I'll never forget the first thing out of the detective's mouth: "So you think you're the only victim, huh?" I nodded yes and he put his head down and said "you're the 4th today." I immediately felt sick. He then asked if I could tell him exactly what I remembered. At this point, I've had 20 years of time to suppress my memories so only one incident stood out.. the one that has played over and over in my mind like it just happened yesterday. I was in the play room, laying on my kinder-mat on my right side and I felt a body up against mine. From my calculations, Ms. Tammy watched several kids so there had to have been at least 5 others napping at the same time I was. I turned my head over and it was her husband. I was a bit of a cry baby and didn't like to sleep alone at home so I guess that's why he was sent in there to check on me. I don't remember a feeling of my pants moving but I remember a hand touching somewhere it shouldn't. I didn't want to move because I was unsure what was going on so I just turned my head back to look at him. He smile, raised his eyebrows and whispered "Shhh." So I did. I clenched my eyes shut and waited for it to be over. This is how it all started. I was almost in the moment of when it happened initially. The detective stopped me and asked if I thought Ms. Tammy had any idea it was going on. I quickly told him, and I can quote, "No! She's an angel. She would never allow this to happen." That's when the most heartbreaking news ever was said.. "Did you know she's known for at least 10 years?" I wanted to vomit in his office right there. The person I trusted the most in the world.. the woman that was like a mother to me.. the woman I wanted to watch my future children KNEW I had been hurt and never tried to stop anything. I could have died. I have never felt so sad and betrayed. So confused and so angry. So unsure of happiness that I thought I once felt. that moment changed my life. How could the most perfect, God-fearing woman I once knew aid in such acts? I'm so bitter towards her now I almost can't handle life some days.
Before I left the detective's office he told me of another victim that said they would love to talk to me. At this point, they didn't know who I was and I didn't know who they were. I was given the address and my stomach went crazy. It was someone I had known all my life. Someone that was like a big sister. Someone I could have helped had I just said something earlier. At this point in my life, that's one of my biggest struggles-- what if I would have told? What if I would have said something then? Would it have been ignored or would my daddy have killed him? There are so many different scenarios that play in my mind.
I got to the house and couldn't stop the tears. Memories flooded like they had just happened.. and I'm so sorry!
The detective referred me to an organization for sexually abused children where I had to give a video recorded statement for charges to be filed. They made me remove my clothes and they video taped every inch of me. Do you have any idea how violating that is..especially so many years later. This agency set me up for weekly meetings with an awesome therapist. We did in-depth sessions and started sessions where we tried to recover suppressed memories--which works, by the way! So much has come back to me. I remember something new every day.
As of right now my abuser is sitting in county jail on the one charge of child molestation. I have no idea when he will be charged with my case. I've attended his hearings and when his name is called he walks out from the back room in his handcuffs and shackles, looks at the crowd and smiles. I will never forget the time before last he looked at me directly in the eyes and wiggled his eyebrows with a giant smile on his face. REALLY?
There are 2 more known victims of this abuser. The detective told us you have until you're 28 to report an incident that happened as a minor under the Missouri Statute of Limitations. The other 2 are older than 28 and their stories cannot be told but he has admitted to committing the crime.
Every court appearance he gets a continuance or a judge change or needs more time to talk to his public defender or some other crap reason why he can't continue with his trial. I'm sure you can understand how frustrating it gets bringing up these old memories, telling your story over and over and not getting anywhere with it. Day to day tasks are hard. I see Ms. Tammy everywhere I go. She's all over! I relive horrible memories every time I see her. While it will take time to get past those outbursts I have, I'm working on it.
You have no idea what's going on in someone's life. I was never told as a child where your no-no spots were and that if someone touched them you should tell. How many others weren't taught that? How many kids were just like me and thought it was okay for him, although no other person in my life did it, to do these awful things to me? How many kids do you think are scared to speak up because they think nobody will believe them? Too many to count.
I'm in the process of healing. It takes a great support system, that's for sure. Now that I'm able to talk about the things that happened to me I find reasoning behind some of my crazy mental issues I've battled with. While I'm usually smiling and happy in public, I've had extreme suicidal lows. It's something I was embarrassed to say I needed help with.
I still can't go into detail to the full extent what happened to me with anybody because it's something I have to become comfortable with admitting to myself first. Baby steps! I have a long road ahead of me and big plans to change the justice system. How can nothing be done to her when she knew of his victims and what was happening? If he's admitted to the 2 older victims why can't they be used to testify? Because of a statute of limitations?? This has GOT to change.. and we're gonna do it! You can stand behind me or move outta the way! :)
I hope this encourages others in the same situation to come forward with your story. It doesn't have to be public.. but notify the authorities. Or if you just need someone to talk to, let me know! We can cry together!! Speaking out has cured half of my issues. It sets you free, as corny as that may sound!
Next court date is March 1st. I'll keep ya updated! :)
I was the first born to young parents, my Mom 22 and Dad 20. I was the precious graddaughter anybody would love to have! :) Looking back at pictures, I was pretty perfect to everybody in the family! hehe
I attended a daycare, shortly after birth, in Sikeston, MO called Calvary Temple. I feel like I remember the day I met what would be one of the greatest women in the world. (I'm changing names in this story until all legal matters are adjourned). We will call this fabulous woman Mrs. Tammy. I know it's hard for people to remember things from when they were younger but I swear I can still see her in those daycare rooms. Anyway, not sure how this came about but Ms. Tammy decided to keep me in her home instead of continuing to go to Calvary Temple. (I can't ask why I was transferred and you'll understand why later in the story). Ms. Tammy had a husband and two daughters in the home. She had a close relationship with her own mother, we'll call her MawMaw, as well as her brothers and sisters that came over often. I was one of the family!
More children were added to the in-home daycare where I had such a loving environment. I was so advanced because of Ms. Tammy's daycare. I could read before Kindergarten, write and had the vocabulary of a 5th grader! She always had fun things for us to do-- we went to swimming lessons in a huge in-ground pool with an awesome water slide, weekly trips to the movies and she had a swimming pool in the back yard of her own yard we would play in for hours. She was more than just a babysitter.. she really was my best friend.
Right before it was time to start Kindergarten my mom gave birth to my baby sister. Smaller children were sent to Ms. Tammy's friend's daycare across town. I guess Ms. Tammy liked to watch children that were mobile. When I started school I only went half a day so my mom would drop me off for a fun afternoon with Ms. Tammy every day! I loved it!
Gonna have to fast forward the story a bit because there are time frames I don't remember.
I'm not sure how old I was when I stopped going to Ms. Tammy's house but I kept in contact with her all the time. I'd call a minimum of once a month and I'd stop by occasionally to see how she was doing. I never blamed her for what had secretly happened to me at her house because she didn't know and it would kill her to know her husband wasn't the man she thought he was. I assumed I was the only one and it was just his way of showing me he loved me.
Until 4th grade I went to a private school. When my parents divorced, my mom went to prison. (That's another story in itself!) I lived with my father who remarried and my 2 beautiful baby brothers came about.
When I turned 16, I decided to tell my mom and grandma about the abuse that occurred when I was a child. It was overlooked and details were never asked. I tried to bring it up to my dad who also overlooked it as if I was imagining something or trying to get attention. Why bring it up again if the ones that are supposed to protect you don't believe you?
So now I'm 25, think about the abuse all of the time and have even tried to bring it up to my mom's mom again. This man just happens to be my grandma's mail man! She would talk to him when he'd deliver her mail and I remember telling her several times not to talk to him.. again, SHUT DOWN. Nobody wanted to hear it. I sat at her living room table and vividly remember asking her WHY she would talk to him after what he had done. She sighed and acted like I was making something up.
Here comes the fun part-- Mid-September 2011, a little after 10pm, I was on my way home from WalMart with my husband and my grandma calls. She tells me I'm never going to believe what she just saw. Ms. Tammy's husband was just arrested on child molestation charges of a small girl. I could hear the pain in her voice. I didn't know exactly how to feel or how to tell my husband what she just said. We pulled in the driveway, I got off the phone, let my husband out and drove directly to Ms. Tammy's house. I wanted to tell her of my abuse. I thought she would want to hear it from myself instead of a police officer. I drove all the way across town and to my surprise, not home. I decided to go home and sleep on it because the next day I HAD to report my story to the police.
I had an appointment for 10:30 to speak with a detective the next day. I kept going over in my mind how I was going to tell Ms. Tammy. I ended up being late for my appointment because I had driven around town trying to decide how to tell her. I skipped out on going to her house and made it to the police department. Walking from across the street to those front doors was the longest walk of my life. I entered and was greeted by two officers that made me sit in a tiny room and wait on the detective. I later found out I had to sit there so they could escort other victims out a side door for confidentiality. Sad, huh?
I was taken upstairs to a room that was covered from ceiling to floor of other victims in town. All of them were mostly small children but some adults were visual. I sat down with the detective and another officer and was asked if my statement could be recorded. My heart sunk and my hands shook but I knew this was the right thing to do. I'll never forget the first thing out of the detective's mouth: "So you think you're the only victim, huh?" I nodded yes and he put his head down and said "you're the 4th today." I immediately felt sick. He then asked if I could tell him exactly what I remembered. At this point, I've had 20 years of time to suppress my memories so only one incident stood out.. the one that has played over and over in my mind like it just happened yesterday. I was in the play room, laying on my kinder-mat on my right side and I felt a body up against mine. From my calculations, Ms. Tammy watched several kids so there had to have been at least 5 others napping at the same time I was. I turned my head over and it was her husband. I was a bit of a cry baby and didn't like to sleep alone at home so I guess that's why he was sent in there to check on me. I don't remember a feeling of my pants moving but I remember a hand touching somewhere it shouldn't. I didn't want to move because I was unsure what was going on so I just turned my head back to look at him. He smile, raised his eyebrows and whispered "Shhh." So I did. I clenched my eyes shut and waited for it to be over. This is how it all started. I was almost in the moment of when it happened initially. The detective stopped me and asked if I thought Ms. Tammy had any idea it was going on. I quickly told him, and I can quote, "No! She's an angel. She would never allow this to happen." That's when the most heartbreaking news ever was said.. "Did you know she's known for at least 10 years?" I wanted to vomit in his office right there. The person I trusted the most in the world.. the woman that was like a mother to me.. the woman I wanted to watch my future children KNEW I had been hurt and never tried to stop anything. I could have died. I have never felt so sad and betrayed. So confused and so angry. So unsure of happiness that I thought I once felt. that moment changed my life. How could the most perfect, God-fearing woman I once knew aid in such acts? I'm so bitter towards her now I almost can't handle life some days.
Before I left the detective's office he told me of another victim that said they would love to talk to me. At this point, they didn't know who I was and I didn't know who they were. I was given the address and my stomach went crazy. It was someone I had known all my life. Someone that was like a big sister. Someone I could have helped had I just said something earlier. At this point in my life, that's one of my biggest struggles-- what if I would have told? What if I would have said something then? Would it have been ignored or would my daddy have killed him? There are so many different scenarios that play in my mind.
I got to the house and couldn't stop the tears. Memories flooded like they had just happened.. and I'm so sorry!
The detective referred me to an organization for sexually abused children where I had to give a video recorded statement for charges to be filed. They made me remove my clothes and they video taped every inch of me. Do you have any idea how violating that is..especially so many years later. This agency set me up for weekly meetings with an awesome therapist. We did in-depth sessions and started sessions where we tried to recover suppressed memories--which works, by the way! So much has come back to me. I remember something new every day.
As of right now my abuser is sitting in county jail on the one charge of child molestation. I have no idea when he will be charged with my case. I've attended his hearings and when his name is called he walks out from the back room in his handcuffs and shackles, looks at the crowd and smiles. I will never forget the time before last he looked at me directly in the eyes and wiggled his eyebrows with a giant smile on his face. REALLY?
There are 2 more known victims of this abuser. The detective told us you have until you're 28 to report an incident that happened as a minor under the Missouri Statute of Limitations. The other 2 are older than 28 and their stories cannot be told but he has admitted to committing the crime.
Every court appearance he gets a continuance or a judge change or needs more time to talk to his public defender or some other crap reason why he can't continue with his trial. I'm sure you can understand how frustrating it gets bringing up these old memories, telling your story over and over and not getting anywhere with it. Day to day tasks are hard. I see Ms. Tammy everywhere I go. She's all over! I relive horrible memories every time I see her. While it will take time to get past those outbursts I have, I'm working on it.
You have no idea what's going on in someone's life. I was never told as a child where your no-no spots were and that if someone touched them you should tell. How many others weren't taught that? How many kids were just like me and thought it was okay for him, although no other person in my life did it, to do these awful things to me? How many kids do you think are scared to speak up because they think nobody will believe them? Too many to count.
I'm in the process of healing. It takes a great support system, that's for sure. Now that I'm able to talk about the things that happened to me I find reasoning behind some of my crazy mental issues I've battled with. While I'm usually smiling and happy in public, I've had extreme suicidal lows. It's something I was embarrassed to say I needed help with.
I still can't go into detail to the full extent what happened to me with anybody because it's something I have to become comfortable with admitting to myself first. Baby steps! I have a long road ahead of me and big plans to change the justice system. How can nothing be done to her when she knew of his victims and what was happening? If he's admitted to the 2 older victims why can't they be used to testify? Because of a statute of limitations?? This has GOT to change.. and we're gonna do it! You can stand behind me or move outta the way! :)
I hope this encourages others in the same situation to come forward with your story. It doesn't have to be public.. but notify the authorities. Or if you just need someone to talk to, let me know! We can cry together!! Speaking out has cured half of my issues. It sets you free, as corny as that may sound!
Next court date is March 1st. I'll keep ya updated! :)
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